Alexandria’s Belly: A No Menu, High Stakes Seafood Siege

#summervacay Anfushi, Alexandria • Est. 1935 "A fish-scented bunker where grouper go to die gloriously. No menus. No mercy. Just Ottoman-tiled walls sweating garlic steam as waiters in grease-armored aprons shout prices like naval artillery. Surrender appetite or retreat." CORE IDENTITY Piscine Democracy: Zero menus → you brawl at the ice-bunker to claim your catch → priced by kilo → baksheesh determines grill priority. Contradictions: Primal freshness (fish flopping 10m away) vs. Soviet-era ceiling fans • Aristocratic Ottoman tiles vs. plastic stool thrones. Ultimate Irony: Founded for poor fishermen → now charges tourist rates → locals still eat free tails. THE ASSAULT (Via Ice & Chaos) Entry Ritual: ⦿ Dodge fish-cart kamikazes → duck hanging squid → smell: iodine, charred lemon, and diesel from the harbor. ⦿ Soundtrack: Arabic fish-auction screams • Sizzle of garlic hitting molten butter • German tourist gasping "Mein Gott, der Augen!" at decapitated sea bream. Battlefield Layout: ⦿ The Bunker: Glacier of crushed ice → studded with grouper, red mullet, sultan Ibrahim → finger-pointing = binding contract. ⦿ Grill Pits: Open-fire altars → chefs baptize fish in samna (clarified butter) → flames lick 2m high. ⦿ Tiled Hall: Mosaic peacocks under grease stains → shared tables → your fish arrives on newspaper → lemon wedges = gold. TACTICAL FISH RAID (Commando Gastro Rules) Phase Why Risk 3rd-Degree Grill Burns? Pro Glutton Move Fish Selection Grouper cheeks = ivory tender Bribe fishmonger $1 → hides freshest catch from tourist hordes Weight Negotiation "1.5 kilos!" → actual: 1.2 → you pay difference Demand gutting → reduces weight 20% → profit Garlic Sauce Gambit Extra toum = $3 → liquid gold Whisper "Masr" (Egypt) → free double portion Grill Bribe Queue jump tax Tip chef $2 upfront → your fish gets lemon-infused butter, not grease Table Warfare Locals annex chairs Deploy backgammon board → claim territory → share aarak = ceasefire Survival Strategy: Timed Strike: 2–4 PM → fish just unloaded → avoid 8 PM → only rubbery squid left. Local Shield: Bring Alexandrian friend → prices drop 40% → waiter mutters "ya walaad" (you rascal). Beverage Hack: BYO Sakara Gold beer → corkage $1 → cheaper than their Stella. SIEGE CONDITIONS Thermal Hazard: Grill pits = 50°C+ → sweat drips into tahini → adds umami. Vendor Ambush: ⦿ "Fresh oysters!" = lifted from nearby dumpster dives. ⦿ "Cleopatra’s pearl!" = fish-eye on string ($5). Waiter Traps: "Special dessert!" = overripe mango + tourist tax ($10). Sanctuary: Harbor-view stool → breeze masks kitchen chaos → costs extra lemon-bribe. HIDDEN TRUTHS Fish Mafia Rules: Supplied by same boats as $$$ Cecil Hotel → quality identical, price 1/4. Garlic Alchemy: Grandma’s toum recipe → 40 cloves per cup → wards off vampires/touts. Ottoman Bones: Tiles salvaged from 1882 British bombardment rubble → char marks still visible. Locals’ Secret: Ask for "ras wa denab" (head & tail) → free soup from unsold scraps